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Suddenly, I feel something clamp down on my side. My left arm and left tit are pressed tight against my torso by some sort of moist clamp. Before I get a chance to look and see what just happened, this clamp jolts forward slamming my right side against something, pinning my other arm. I drop the Frisbee as Im jolted sideways. It feels like Ive been slammed into a fallen tree trunk. As I look to see whats going on, I realize that the clamp is actually the head of some gigantic green snake who was hiding in the murky swamp water, and that its now got a full coil around me, and has pinned my arms to my sides. The coil tightens around me, covering my left hand as well before it releases its jaw from my side. HELP!! MARK! ANYONE!!, I scream. My feet are starting to go numb. As the snake tightens around my bowels, piss and shit is squeezed out of me like toothpaste from a toothpaste tube. What do I know about snakes? Snakes Ive seen before have always been tame. And they eat live mice.. "I'll need to know your address, and both of your dates of birth ... things like that. Let me ask you this. Do either of you have a Facebook account?" Nope," I replied sadly. "One of the many things we have in common is a mutual disdain for social media. Anyway, isn't Facebook blocked here in China?" Yes, it is. One of the challenges I'll have in conducting research like this, is what they not-so-affectionately refer to as 'The Great Firewall of China.' But if you're diligent and resourceful, you can find your way around it."I had to laugh. "Sandra, you wrote the manual on 'diligent and resourceful.'"Shortly thereafter, she reported back to me with a mixed bag of information, and nothing conclusive."Here's the good news," she began. "Erin's most recent address appears to be the home she shares with you. The problem is, I have no way of knowing just how recent that information is. There's something else I had to look into. She definitely hasn't filed for divorce. I checked the divorce.
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